Sometimes I bemoan the fact that God no longer audibly speaks to us. Thinking about how clearly He revealed His will to the heroes of the Old Testament makes me question why He does not feel the need to provide us with such clear direction today. As I grow in my relationship with Christ, however, I believe more and more that if we listen, God can speak to us just as clearly today as He did in Bible times.
When God wants to tell me something (knowing how naïve I am as a human being) He reinforces whatever it is He wants me to hear through multiple avenues in my life.
Just these past few weeks I’ve been struggling with a lot of doubt and sin. It was (and is) so discouraging when I fall into the same rotten sin over and over again. The reason that I was struggling with doubt was because of my struggle with these sins. For some reason, I have it in my futile mind that I have to be “good enough” and I have to try “hard enough” to outwardly appear Christ-like in order to gain the approval of God and of other Christians. When I fail, I feel worthless, overwhelmed, and discouraged.
I cannot even begin to testify to the mercy, compassion, love, faithfulness, sovereignty, and power of the God I serve. This week, through a series of experiences, He reaffirmed in my mind what I know to be true- that I am covered by the precious blood of the Lamb. When my Heavenly Father looks at me, He sees the righteousness and perfection of his holy Son. There is nothing that I could ever do to make Him love me any more or any less.
It started when I read a chapter out of the Bible study book I am completing with my sweet group of friends. The reading this week discussed the attributes of God, having me list as many as I could think of at the end of the chapter. After affirming the many truths about Himself, God spoke to me through a fabulous preacher who I was privileged to hear preach at school on Thursday. The chapel speaker taught on the beautiful chapter of Luke 7. In verses 36-50, the story is told of a prostitute who is so repentant and in love with the Savior that she washes His feet with her hair. The story is set in the house of a Pharisee who invited Jesus into his home to share a meal. The Pharisee did not wash Jesus’ feet or kiss His cheek upon entering the house, as was custom and expected. However, this “sinful woman” did so with such overwhelming love and exuberance that it revealed her deep commitment to Christ. After explaining the story, the speaker asked, “Who are you when it comes to worshiping Christ? The sinful woman or the Pharisee?”
As I let that question sink in, it became dreadfully apparent to me that I am the Pharisee. I know a lot about the Bible and about Christianity. I’m a good church kid. But I fail to love and serve Jesus in the way that He deserves to be loved and served. Verse 47 of Luke 7 says: “…But he who is forgiven little loves little.” To be brutally honest, my first thought upon reading this was “well, I haven’t done too many bad things. I guess I’m forgiven little.” Almost as if he heard my vain thoughts, the pastor proclaimed: “The point of this verse is the NO ONE is forgiven little!” Ouch. I was extremely convicted, remembering that I, Miriam, am just as sinful as the next guy. I’ve been forgiven just as much. And praise Yahweh, He sees me as blameless through Jesus’ death. Therefore, I need to love more.
With this conviction in mind, I “stumbled” upon a video by one of my favorite youtubers, Savannah Lewie.
After watching this video and reading Romans 8 for myself, I was literally brought to tears. I see myself as worthless, but He sees me as priceless. I am a failure, but He is my conqueror. I am a sinner, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is “no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”! These truths are so profound and God spoke to me so clearly this week that it makes me want to scream and shout the greatness of our God!
So, friends, if you are in a “rut” spiritually and feel that God is being silent, do not despair. He is faithful and He is true. Persevere in living for Him and reading His Word and I am certain that He will speak to you so clearly that you will be floored by His greatness. Be watchful for His mighty acts of grace.